I won!!

While blog cruising the other week I stuck my details on the fab mummy blogger www.violetposy.co.uk  website and I won an umbrella! It's years since I won anything! It has been really sunny here of late but it has been pouring in my head so I am going to put it up and dance underneath it's pink and blue spots! Poor dog was drafted in to model the umbrella - couldn't persuade him to dance!

BLOG TIME

Nothing is sacred once you become a Mum, now getting to the toilet on my own is considered a treat. But  my brain seems to have filtered out that I should really close the door behind me. Too much time spent with the trail of  a mini-man behind me, wanting to watch and demanding to know, "What ya doin?" So I have now acquired an open door policy that even the dog feels entitled to take advantage of. This morning as I answered nature's call he sat with his paws on my knees big, sad brown eyes looking up at me (I must have looked in trouble). Seriously can a girl get five minutes peace around here? From now on I am going to try and remember my pre-mummy habits and close the door behind me!

Happy Holidays

For ten glorious days we slunked around together, the three of us semi-naked in the sunshine. We ate till we burst, laughed till we cried and watched Madagasar late into the night. It was wonderful watching my strong, healthy boys turn golden in the sun as they dug towards Australia and swam in the salty sea. Little and Large. My world, my everything.

Biting Bullets!

I started this blog as a kind of self-therapy at a time when my marriage and my world were falling apart. It has seen me through the darkest days and I feel I owe it to myself and my blog to keep going now that those murky, sad days are behind me and write about the good stuff, write about when things go right! So I have also decided to take the leap and start trying to get my blog out there and get some readers and their feedback from all the amazing women and men bloggers who until now I have silently read and admired. So here goes... probably best that I am off to sunnier climes on holiday so will not be tempted to check on my burgeoning (?) popularity daily!

Have been battling with one of my old arch enemies TIME again this past week. Why do I always feel as though I am running full speed but not getting anywhere? I was always an eight hours sleep girl - especially since becoming a Mum when I became a sleep binger - but like an addict I have cut down to rise earlier in order to try and get more into my day. So why am I still feeling short changed? And is it worth it when I am tired and grumpy as a result?! Anyone else feel desperate to achieve significant personal goals and that being a wife and a mother, though great and awe-inspiring, they can also be the biggest and most difficult hurdles to jump around?

A good walk ruined!

I got a new iphone, it is the snazziest gismo. I took it on my walk this morning with the dog, I thought I could lessen the guilt about the walk by checking my emails and 'working while I walked'. It was a nice idea. But technology tends to fug my head, i have enough chattering voices going on in there already without getting them from cyber space while I walk. Plus it meant I walked looking down, so I couldn't appreciate the sun in the dry (for once) sky, or the way the tree leaves were bristling in the wind. I walked blindly, my head in the clouds of cyber space. That is the problem with technology it removes us from the living and the present. It takes us away from our natural environment, to the point where we forget it is there living just beyond the screen. So tomorrow I will leave my iphone at home and walk with just myself and the dog as nature intended.

BABIES

Our son was an accident, a glorious unplanned wonder, fate stepped in and decided it was our time long before we knew it. We were barely three months married; children were something in the hazy out-of-focus future. I hate to say that I was dismayed, distraught even, the day the pregnancy line turned blue. I thought I was too young, I thought our marriage was too new and weak to withstand the rigors of parenthood so soon. And then nine months later he arrived. Strong and screaming and full of fight. I instantly loved him, suddenly three seemed such a better number than two. He has been the lynchpin in keeping our marriage together when it has felt tortured beyond physical limits, a ray of shining light in the darkest of times.

My baby is now on the cusp of turning three, a mini-man, his own little person, straining at the ropes of my motherhood for independence. We would love another, a brother or a sister for him to call his own. But fate is not working in our favour anymore, a baby still so new that it’s presence was a secret in the world was taken away from me last December and since that there has been nothing. To experience the flip side of life is tough, my heart and mind struggle with the extremes of it. The door of motherhood has been opened to me and I have seen the treasures that lie beyond and can’t help but want more. I am so grateful and blessed for what I have but there is space in my heart for another, I hope I get the chance to fill it.

SWIMMING POOLS

Went to the local leisureplex this morning with my son. We have been a few times before but I am afraid I am a bit squeamish about public pools so it would not be a regular haunt. As I lowered myself into the bath water temperature I tried not to let my mind detail to how many bugs this must be heaven or the number of kids doing a wee at any given point.

My normal childcare was not available which is why I found myself with a bouncing son and a morning with which to occupy him and distract him from trashing the house. What amazed me was the amount of parents, especially Dads, who were decked out in swimming togs and present for the swimming pleasure of their little ones. It was like lice coming out of the woodwork, but with fewer legs. I don’t mean they looked like lice (though that is something else you can probably pick up from a public pool!) but a whole community of people somewhere where you didn’t realize there was any before.

So there I was in desperate need of a bikini wax, sucking in my stomach and hoping that if someone did a poll I would squeeze into the vaguely glamorous mums category. As I watched the hundred of stories going on around me, each parent laughing and playing with their charge I thought the world is not so bad, the world is not so dysfunctional, the world is full of good people just trying to be the best parents they can be. It’s a hell of a job description.